Tuesday, March 20, 2012


Listening- Diplo blow your head 10 

what runs through my mind while eating my chicken salad wrap at UCF

a.   Stop eating your Asian Chao with chop sticks. Rule of thumb: If you order your “Chinese” food from a restaurant with a Panda Logo and a cashier named Juanita use a fork
b.    b. If I was ever a billionaire I’d want to put together a massive EDM music festival and put it in Jackson, Mississippi or Little Rock, Arkansas…
c.      c. I’d also hire someone to assassinate Flo-Rida, as if I didn’t have to listen to Levels enough during Bud Light Platinum commercials
d.    d.  I’d also hire someone to assassinate LMFAO but, I’ll admit the Party Rock Song really brings the hamster Kia commercial together
e.     e. Fuck Bud Light Platinum, I’d say you’re not fooling anyone but you definitely are
f.     f. I take that back, I’ll probably wind up needing Bud Light Platinum as the sponsor for my brilliant music festival
g.     g.Read the Lyrics of Foster and the People’s “Pumped up Kicks”
h.     h.If you are going to Ultra you should wear Neon because your raving bro
i.       i.Long boards, I love them! Everyone should just use them all over campus
j.       j.My little Brother’s bar mitzvah is this weekend but has been primarily organized by my Italian Father… Bagels and Prosciutto for everyone
k.     k.I recently started watching breaking bad…. Beside Mobile, Alabama I’m going to say that Albuquerque, New Mexico would be the one place I wouldn’t even Subject Hitler to.   Meth man…Meth
l.       l.KONY 2012!
m.   m.Next rounds on me boys!  Just sold all my Aeropostale graphic t’s at Platos
n.     o.No no, I know you’re not anything like the other sororities!
o.     p. Did anyone know you needed a prescription for adderall?  Fooled me
p.     q. OHHHHHHH sometimes I get a nah nah nah .....AHHh! I always forget the words

Friday, January 27, 2012

Waking up to 50 cent

  I know I haven't posted in over a month... your boys been busy and without and Psychotic dictators passing away I've been pressed for things to write about

A Tribute

That being said I'll compare this to when you were a child and your really wanted a pet and your parents were like no...

    If you lived in Sarasota or any other city on the coast of the Florida your parents would eventually realize by buying you the pet you would be quite and they could go back to their Binge drinking with colleagues and your mom wouldn't feel so bad about the affair she's having with that one bartender at that one bar she goes to all the time after her book club

Anyway, most kids want Dogs I was terrified of them I was more of a hermit crab kind of kid and it was cool because my grandpa was the land lord for some company where they decorated the Hermit grab shell with Glitter and these little sunglasses.  It was adorable I'm sure PETA would have been thrilled.

**As a side note I can't imagine that decorating hermit crab shells was profitable so I'll just assume they just moved mass quantities of heroine
** I just read up on hermit crabs on wikipedia, those fuckers are terrifying outside of their shell 

    Before I went ADHD on you the metaphor was that I'm a bad blog owner as we were all bad pet owners.

    Anyway Avicii is coming to the UCF arena later on today, but don't worry i didn't have to tell you about it just walk around campus and eavesdrop on any conversation between two girls with vera bradley bags or any group of guys wearing a Heat jersey/ UM T-shirt

Girl 1: Avicii is coming!
Girl 2:  UGHHH YESS I love that Cinema Song
Girl 1: NO No lol that's David Guetta,  Avicii is the band who does "NAh Nah NAh Sometimes I get a good feeling"
Girl 2: AHH can't wait, lets go binge drink and complain that we broke our I phones as if we'd actually have to spend our own money to replace it.
** Question, do you think middle easter sorority girls wear Vera Bradley Burqas

        Anyway my dear friend "Jeremy" short for his legal name Jweezy is here so were going to
Chick-Fil-a for their buy a milkshake get a chicken sandwich free promo.... even though the promotion is at Christ-fil-a my jewdar is still picking up on this like crazy  

Monday, December 19, 2011

Here's to you Kim

  Man you did a killer job with that country you were running


 make yourself watch this all

Sunday, December 18, 2011

3am kinda stuff

Now downloading legally from itunes:  Camp Lo- Uptown Saturday Night and that new "Wiz- California"  track

Upon some serious criticism  from roommate and Friend Chris Tart aka Smoking coyote about only having two posts i've decided to start doing some smaller post my sever ADHD can manage....

1st. Check this video, then do you're best to dress like everyone in it


2nd.  Make 15 uninterrupted minutes of your day happen and watch this


3rd. Begin preparing yourself for the countless 3-4 minute conversations you'll have over winter break, back home with kids you don't miss.  May I recommend talking about either

a. That teacher you all couldn't fucking stand in High School
b. The weather (dude bummer it's raining)
c. The Climate  (Man oh man dude it's been so nice out here for the past couple days)

4. fuck 6 dollar Coronas...rather fuck even $4.75 coronas they wind up being the same exact thing

Friday, December 9, 2011

Into and Undergraduate Advising

Now playing on my Zune: Jet Life - Jet World Order (Mixtape)
         May as well introduce myself, I’m Julian, I’m half Italian, Half Jewish**, love Spanish food, have random French friends, Love soccer (which to many makes me a homosexual communist) and right now I’m wrapping up my degree at University of Central Florida after transferring from the University of North Cuba

 ** Yes I know “Jewish” isn’t a nationality, you know what I mean, I’m white and my grandparents are from New York with a 97% chance that they’re a Doctor or Lawyer.    GET OFF MY ASS

Most people wonder why I transferred from UM…. Once we become closer friends I’ll actually tell you why but until then I’ll give you the answer I give all kids that I’m forced into having “Small talk” conversations with…. It was 50k a year…  Couple notes about Miami

1.    1. If you watch Dexter you’ll know Capt. Laguerta lives here… Fuck Laguerta she’s such a bitch
2.     2. Don’t ever ask a Blonde 17-20 year old Non-Miami Native about Miami unless you’re just dieing to hear something really intelligent along the lines of  “UGHHH OMG like NO ONE speaks English and like all these Mexican guys were like staring at me the other day” 

       As a general note there Toots , Most blonde girls with a boob job, a range rover, 17 Louis Vuitton Accessories, and a credit card that could feed Zimbabwe get stared at

3.     3. No I’m not going to LIV tonight bro
4.     4.  No I’m not going to the Heat Game bro
5.     5.  No I don’t want any cocaine bro  
6.     6. Those 17 notifications on Facebook?  Yeah it’s probably your “Cool stay-at-home” mom liking that picture of you Coked out on some Saudi’s Yacht
7.     7. The other 16 are Probably from an assortment of promotional organizations spamming you with invites after you tagged yourself in that picture from the time you black out enough to voluntarily go to Day Glo.
8.     8. Great Espresso

As for the move to UCF… I wanted to save some cake so it was either FSU, UF, UCF, Devry, ITT Tech or University of Phoenix. 

1.  I decided to begin by eliminating any universities from the list that either:
   a. spend more money on advertising then Coors Light 
   b. Have a pushy, uneducated single mother telling as their spokesperson 
   c. Are most likely un-accredited  

           2. FSU is great, FAMU homecoming is like nothing I’ve seen outside of a Wayans Bros. Movie, you guys have a great scene for people with Tumblrs,
       and 20/20 in the Golds Gym Plaza rivals  any Nightclub across the globe.
                 BUT unfortunately even a weekend in Tally makes me want to take a shower 4 times a day, and figure out what my liver wrong to deserve the last two nights.

2.     3. UF is also great, good academic reputation, great athletic program that’s not being investigated for Child molestation, not too far away from civilization like Orlando either.  And I won’t speak for anyone else but, if you make a pit stop at CafĂ© Risque, love the smell of crosses being burned by white supremacists and have a thing for anti-Abortion Billboards it really isn’t a bad drive.   
3.     4. However!  I prefer being in a more Urban setting like Orlando.  Granted Orlando isn’t a booming metropolis like New York but, my proximity to the American Apparel outlet and Park Ave. CD’s makes this place a hotbed for people who listen to Bands that Don’t Exist yet and hate Skrillex.

UCF is also really nice because there are only 56,000 of us and the Professors do an excellent job of acting like the recognize us when we go into their office hours to bitch about the Second life account they made us sign up for.

    That being said there’s plenty more to say about my fine academic institution and The wonderful world of Disney where I live but, for now I only have 2 days before I turn 21 so I’m going to go get some last minute use out of my fake ID before its too late.      


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Finals Week 1st Post

Writing to:  Mansions on the Moon –Paradise Falls (Mixtape)

We’re skipping orientation and jumping right into this shit… I’ll make sense out of all this soon
          But for now I’ll set the scene… 
Finals Week at UCF:  Considering the occasion I thought it be appropriate to allot at least 20 minutes into looking for Library rumored to be on my campus. 

Unfortunately, no UCF Alum felt like blowing a couple mil so it’s not even named after anyone…  

   And so we can’t refer to our library like every other College Floridian

           “Club” + “The Nickname of the billionaire who it’s named after”
                  Ex. Club Richter, Club Stroz

 As a general note, sincere appologies if “All Nighter at Club Stoz” was your next status…. I know how close you were to being clever

Drawing upon my memories at  U.Miami  this Library was a bit different. 

1st. UCF isn’t 50% foreigners so the entrance here wasn’t blocked with half the student body chain-smoking personal cartons talking about their summers in Cannes.

2nd There was no Adderall in any of the vending machines***
 *** That being said the girl across from me hadn’t blinked for the 4-5 hours I was in the library so there’s a chance she had just wiped the place out before I go there.

Luckily the 5 Hour Energy “Brand Ambassadors” were there

At first I couldn’t figure out how 5 hour Energy could afford Brand Ambassadors with the money they blow on their big budget advertisements

       Then I realized they must be rolling in it because they charge $$3.49 for dirty water blended with 17000% of your daily recommended Vitamin B. 

    I gave mine away.  The kid sitting next to me had finished his first bottle off real fast and still needed something to wash down his 10mg with. 

Now I’d double check, but I can’t imagine a Medical Professional doing anything but recommending the 10 Hour Energy 10 mg Combo.

Studying went as planned, I followed the 1:3 Principle allotting my self 3 hours of time for every hour I needed to be productive.  Shout out to The Social Network.
Oh and I won’t do this every time unfortunately but I will point out some hot, unique, trends that can really make you stand out as individual.

A.     1. This bag, http://www.longchamp.com/en/tote-bag-le-pliage-2605089-2-600612.html   Don’t worry you’ll be the only person with one.  And I promise not to make rash generalizations like that you’re in a sorority.

B.    2.  Fedora or Oversized bow, no really, I mean it, you look great wearing a fucking fedora.

As a quick added special I thought I’d shed a light on the age-old question that I had been asked a couple times while in the Library

“OMG haha that’s so weird how did you know I was in a sorority?”

A.     1. First, your name isn’t Aphrodite and you don’t look Mediterranean so I’ll use the Greek letters on your key chain and sweatshirt, along with the Sigma Chi T-Shirt as a clue.
B.    2.  The fact that you love your “little” oh so much…you can’t be serious I had no clue, you have a post on Facebook about it…What you already have 17 times?  Oh bummer guess you had me beat.
C.     3. The fact that this happens 47 times with 47 different people over the course of 2 hours…

Girl 1: Sarah?! haven’t seen you forever, what are you doing here?
Her Betch Sarah: I know! Ummm studying for finals…ugh kill me
Girl 1: haha too funny me too, you going to (Insert nearby bar that serves alcohol to 15 year olds) after chapter tonight?
Her Betch Sarah:  Ughhh NO I Can’t but I gotta go I’ll text you!

**note: the fact that you haven’t stopped fondling your Iphone during the entirety of the conversations makes me feel as if you don’t really care about what your Betch Sarah is saying and it’s a shame because it seems really interesting….

Anyway that’s the first post, they normally won’t be a breath by breath documentation of my day (don’t worry) but before I head out, here’s some shameless in house promotion from my client (Well not officially) and roommate Chris Tart AKA Smoking Coyote

His newest mix: 

Shout out to Meg Ryan and Randi Wang for the Album art