Friday, December 9, 2011

Into and Undergraduate Advising

Now playing on my Zune: Jet Life - Jet World Order (Mixtape)
         May as well introduce myself, I’m Julian, I’m half Italian, Half Jewish**, love Spanish food, have random French friends, Love soccer (which to many makes me a homosexual communist) and right now I’m wrapping up my degree at University of Central Florida after transferring from the University of North Cuba

 ** Yes I know “Jewish” isn’t a nationality, you know what I mean, I’m white and my grandparents are from New York with a 97% chance that they’re a Doctor or Lawyer.    GET OFF MY ASS

Most people wonder why I transferred from UM…. Once we become closer friends I’ll actually tell you why but until then I’ll give you the answer I give all kids that I’m forced into having “Small talk” conversations with…. It was 50k a year…  Couple notes about Miami

1.    1. If you watch Dexter you’ll know Capt. Laguerta lives here… Fuck Laguerta she’s such a bitch
2.     2. Don’t ever ask a Blonde 17-20 year old Non-Miami Native about Miami unless you’re just dieing to hear something really intelligent along the lines of  “UGHHH OMG like NO ONE speaks English and like all these Mexican guys were like staring at me the other day” 

       As a general note there Toots , Most blonde girls with a boob job, a range rover, 17 Louis Vuitton Accessories, and a credit card that could feed Zimbabwe get stared at

3.     3. No I’m not going to LIV tonight bro
4.     4.  No I’m not going to the Heat Game bro
5.     5.  No I don’t want any cocaine bro  
6.     6. Those 17 notifications on Facebook?  Yeah it’s probably your “Cool stay-at-home” mom liking that picture of you Coked out on some Saudi’s Yacht
7.     7. The other 16 are Probably from an assortment of promotional organizations spamming you with invites after you tagged yourself in that picture from the time you black out enough to voluntarily go to Day Glo.
8.     8. Great Espresso

As for the move to UCF… I wanted to save some cake so it was either FSU, UF, UCF, Devry, ITT Tech or University of Phoenix. 

1.  I decided to begin by eliminating any universities from the list that either:
   a. spend more money on advertising then Coors Light 
   b. Have a pushy, uneducated single mother telling as their spokesperson 
   c. Are most likely un-accredited  

           2. FSU is great, FAMU homecoming is like nothing I’ve seen outside of a Wayans Bros. Movie, you guys have a great scene for people with Tumblrs,
       and 20/20 in the Golds Gym Plaza rivals  any Nightclub across the globe.
                 BUT unfortunately even a weekend in Tally makes me want to take a shower 4 times a day, and figure out what my liver wrong to deserve the last two nights.

2.     3. UF is also great, good academic reputation, great athletic program that’s not being investigated for Child molestation, not too far away from civilization like Orlando either.  And I won’t speak for anyone else but, if you make a pit stop at Café Risque, love the smell of crosses being burned by white supremacists and have a thing for anti-Abortion Billboards it really isn’t a bad drive.   
3.     4. However!  I prefer being in a more Urban setting like Orlando.  Granted Orlando isn’t a booming metropolis like New York but, my proximity to the American Apparel outlet and Park Ave. CD’s makes this place a hotbed for people who listen to Bands that Don’t Exist yet and hate Skrillex.

UCF is also really nice because there are only 56,000 of us and the Professors do an excellent job of acting like the recognize us when we go into their office hours to bitch about the Second life account they made us sign up for.

    That being said there’s plenty more to say about my fine academic institution and The wonderful world of Disney where I live but, for now I only have 2 days before I turn 21 so I’m going to go get some last minute use out of my fake ID before its too late.      


No comments:

Post a Comment